Happy Birthday WANDA!

I wanted so badly to call you this morning and wish you a Happy Birthday... O, how I miss you!

Even though you were only 7 years older, you were always like another mother to me. Protecting me, teaching me, spoiling me.

Like our MOM, you were always there for me.

I could talk to you about anything.

I wanted to be like you.

Most of my early memories include you.

Many times you rescued me from the big mullberry tree in our yard. I would have met certain broken-bone fate if you hadn't caught me as I jumped from a limb o so high. You saved my burning bare feet by packing me on your back after my whining about the hot, thick, powdery summer dust we had to trudge through to Grandmother & Grandad Cluff's house. (I sometimes wonder if I had any shoes to play in.) I can remember walking home from Rendevous Park after swimming and begging you to carry me 'cause the sidewalk was scorching my little brown feet. And, speaking of swimming ~ there was the time that you and Linda Payne were in the deep end of the pool hanging on the side (I'm sure just looking cool for the guys) and I jumped in beside you. I only went under a couple of times before you grabbed me, sat me on the side and scolded me. But, you were my hero! You saved me!

I remember you orchestrating "freak shows" on our huge front porch (well, when I see it today, it was really just a small step). We dressed up in Mom's old clothes, sold tickets to neighbors, and did I-really-don't-remember-what, other than we called it a freak show. You were always organizing something for the family to do. Organizing was one of your strengths.

I remember going to a mutual party at Halloween sitting on top of your shoulders with a long yellow formal gown on to hide you, and having people wonder who we were. I felt so grown up being there with big people and getting to dance (of course it was your feet doing all the dancing).Oooo, and of course you put lipstick on me!

I was so thrilled that you showed me how to do backbends, cartwheels, headstands & handstands, splits, and to walk with my hands. I knew how way before any of my friends did, and was able to teach them, thanks to you!

I loved watching you draw, and felt so pleased that you would take the time (it seems that you always had time for me) to show me how to draw a realistic looking tree with leaves. You were so talented.

Musically speaking, some of my favorite oldies are songs that you listened to as a teenager.

It totally broke my heart when you married and moved away, but O, how I cherished the summers that I got to spend with you! When I got to fly with gramma Strebeck to visit you in Playa del Rey and spend time, I thought I was in heaven. I remember going to the little market with you (you made friends with every one there, and I was so proud that you introduced me to them), to get things for our lunches - cottage cheese, peaches and Wheat Thins (still a favorite of mine). You said you were trying to get your figure back after having Jay, but I thought you were just right, and even more beautiful for being a mother. You were so cool to let me go to the beach with Skipper and his friends. How fun that you let me get a treat from the bakery truck or the ice cream truck that came through your neighborhood.

As your family grew, I got to spend summers and watch your kids while you worked. I love your kids. I learned so much by watching you be a mother.

You introduced me to so many books. "A Girl of the Limberlost" is still one of my most cherished books to read. Mom instilled the love of reading in me, but you pushed it along.

You stood by me in all the trauma and drama in my life. You and Jordan were pillars for me when Todd was born.

Your letters buoyed me up when we lived so far apart. You and Hallmark (you had a closet full of cards and gifts for every occassion!) lifted me more times than you will ever know.

Your example of compassionate service inspires me. You were always doing for someone else.

You were my rock when Todd died. I relied on your love and strength. There you were to see to it that I not have to worry about anything. I was in such a daze I couldn't have accommodated all the people that came to mourn with me. Just being wrapped in your arms and gently rocked seeped some of my pain away.

I have always looked up to you ~ wanting to be like you ~ knowing that I could never reach that perfection. You see, you always seemed so perfect to me! So many of your talents and skills I can just admire and appreciate.

So, HaPpY BirTHdAy, dear Wanda! I hope you and Mom and Lena and Norene are having a celebration! Once my hero, and now my angel ~Until we hug again ~ I LOVE YOU FOR ALWAYS!

P.S.

Please give my Toni & Todd a hug for me!

Mommy ~ Mom ~ My Mother

Me and my MOMMY

My mother ~ the most amazing woman!
Her loving, nurturing nature made me feel so safe and cherished. Not that I didn't ever feel her wrath - rather the fly swatter - on my backside. I always knew that I had it coming, though. She totally believed in spanking - on the bottom - NOT with her hand - the rivits on our jeans hurt her hand.
She made home so comfortable, but thoroughly CLEAN! Our floors shined, beds were always made, dishes done and put away, porches swept, and laundry so white it was the envy of the neighbors.
She had a green thumb when it came to growing flowers. She loved having a pretty yard.
She had a strong work ethic. Being a widow with 4 little ones and not willing to go on any type of assistance (whether it be from the state or the church) she did many things. She tended neighbor kids, ironed and cleaned for people in our ward, cleaned a motel down on south Country Club Dr. All this and kept up the yard and house and chickens. Later after dad and 4 more little ones were added to our family, she kept up the house, yard, babies, and helped with the animals, and in the fields.
She sewed, mended, quilted, bottled fruit, made bread, and made sure the cookie jar was full. She read to us every night, and the cadence of her voice was so soothing. She had a knack for reciting poems and readings. She loved to sing and taught me sunday school & primary songs, nursery rhymes, and finger plays that I loved then, and can now teach my grand daughter.
She made life a joy for us kids! ...played board games with us. ...made sure we always had books to read, crayons to color with, and stuff & things to do whatever with. Before plastic wading pools, she filled wash tubs in the back yard for us to cool off in . She allowed us to roam the neighborhood and have the freedom to stay out after dark in the summertime. She hauled us to grandma & grandad's and to family reunions ~ family was everything to her! She was willing to stop at scenic byways & overlooks and let us eat junk food in the car as we sang together or played 20 questions. Traveling with her was always fun.
Her service and compassion to others was stellar. Her tenderness in caring for her mother and her mother-in-law, and dad's step mother (even though at times that was really hard) was such an example to me.
I will always admire the dilligence with which she performed her church callings. I never heard her complain. Her obedience is something I need to strive to match.
I loved talking to her as a teenager ~prying stories of her youth out of her.
She taught me so much in my young married days over the phone ('cause I didn't pay enough attention when I was still at home).
As a new mother her advice was so welcome.
As a working woman it was such a comfort to be able to stop by her house and get a hug at lunch time.
I will never get over the urge to crawl up on her lap and breathe in her scent and feel her softness...

Mom, I miss you! You are my heroine! If you weren't my mother, I would have chosen you for my best friend. I aspire to be like you. You are the most beautiful woman I have been blessed to know. I LOVE YOU!

Words to LIVE by...

This tile trivet hangs in my kitchen near the sink, so I see it every day!

It was given to me by a co-worker almost 24 years ago!

I really do try to govern my life by

GREATFULNESS.

I also try to spread a little JOY and SUNSHINE every chance I get.

I have been blessed with a happy spirit - O, I can get down and depressed, but I just can't stay there. I will wallow for a moment only, and my heart just floats right back up to

HaPpY!

I have always been surrounded by people who love me, and things to give me comfort and ease and beauty! I recognize that I have more to be thankful for than not. Yes, I have had sorrows - many and deep - but, because of them I can appreciate the everyday little joys that come my way!

Thanks to my co-worker friend for giving me this beautiful tile, and to it's author, Amanda Bradley!

It gives me something to muse on...

To Those Who Served...

How blessed I am to know and love selfless, strong and brave men & women who served in the armed forces!

I am so very proud of my brother Jim the MARINE. I remember my heart swelling with pride seeing him in his Marine uniform. He was already good looking, but that uniform made him even more so! I think all my girlfriends had a crush on him! I loved hearing him tell stories about serving. The one I recall most is his telling of how proud he was being one-of-hundreds holding a huge gynormous United States flag from underneath and having tears in his eyes while telling it. Thank you Jim. I love you!

Thank you uncle Benny and my uncle Buster, my cousin Fred, and ex-cousin-in-law Terry for serving in the NAVY!

Thank you Aunt Nelda for your service in the AIR FORCE. I have always looked up to you!

Thank you Bill for your service in the AIR FORCE. It wasn't easy letting you go to Viet Nam and wonder if you would be coming back home to me. I know how very hard it was for you to witness the horrors you saw and try to make the world seem normal when you came back!

Thank you to my uncle Cotton and uncle Kenneth for your service in the Army. Thank you Ted for serving in the ARMY and for the sacrifice in pain that you experienced losing friends and being wounded in the jungle of Viet Nam. How tender must have been your feeling knowing that your child was being born when you were so far away. Thank you for taking time to write to me. I cherish those words. I loved you then and still.

Thank you my Grandad Cluff for your service in WWI. You will always be one of my heros!

HEROS ALL!!

Blast From The Past!

Almost daily I experience the warm memories of my childhood in our little white frame home - you know the one - with the white picket fence and fragrant colorful flowers lovingly tended by my mom's hands. More specifically I hear the voices of my siblings and my mother gathered round the kitchen table. That soothing background noise for all our meals. That table had some miraculous meals served on it. I am so amazed that Mom could feed herself and four kids with one can of tuna, or one can of soup. I remember fried okra - still a treat to me - salmon patties, scalloped potatoes, cakes, raisin filled cookies (sure could love one of those right now!) and even frog legs at least one time. But the dishes that some of those meals were served on grace my table today!
These are the only two left (pictured above) that I was blessed with out of I-don't know-how-many. I recall eating fried eggs off these plates and thinking how the white spots were egg left on the plate. Almost every morning I now eat eggs on one of these plates and think the same thing. Of course I love eating desert from them!
I wish I knew their history. Were they from a box of detergent? I do know mom got some dishes from detergent, green stamps, the service station and such. Did she pick them up from a family member, or were they a wedding gift? O, how I wish I had asked her! They are beautiful! Small plates with large simple brush strokes that form a beautiful flower... but more than that they bring a rush from the past of blissful childhood memories! I simply adore them!

DRESSING OF A PRINCESS

Some of my fondest childhood memories are sitting on the cool linoleum floor at my mother's feet as she made dresses for me and my two older sisters. There were three small drawers on the left side of the sewing machine, and the bottom one was filled with all sorts of fanciful things to keep me occupied as my mother sewed. Jacks, marbles, plastic coins {I swallowed a play dime once causing a delay in the making of that particular dress}, a few stray buttons, string, and rubber bands. How I loved listening to the rhythmic sounds of the treadle sewing machine, smelling the new cloth {something wonderfully anticipatory in that smell}, feeling her warmth as I lay my head against her thigh, and watching as she removed pin after pin from the seam before the needle went over them, and putting them in a bright red tomato-shaped pin cushion...

How I loved trying on the dress as she took the pins out of that tomato-shaped pin cushion and pinned the hem just so - to be finished by hand by lamp light later! There were plaid dresses with prim white collars - for the coming school year. There were dresses for church. But the fluffy clouds of organdy and lace and ribbons that went into the Easter dresses were the ones that made me feel like a princess!

LET FREEDOM RING!

GOD BLESS AMERICA

...and He did!

It is now up to us to help protect and preserve those blessings.

May we be ever appreciative of this

AMERICA the BEAUTIFUL,

and those brave and courageous men and women who serve-

May we stand up for the principles that our founding fathers intended-

May we be united in keeping our nation

ONE, under GOD -

I pledge allegience... do you?

You know how some people fit right into your life like they had been there all along?! Those people who feel like an old, soft cotton glove. . . just fitting comfortably against your soul? I've been fortunate all my life - surrounded by fRieNds like that. I have childhood friends that still creep into my thoughts and softly conjure up happy memories of shared secrets, giggles, and warm summer days spent playing together not wanting to separate and go home when the porch lights come on {ALENE, KAY, JUDY, CLIFF, BOBBY, JIMMY, SONNY}.

I have friends that I may not see for months or years even, and in a few seconds of reuniting we pick up where we left off {CORENE, MONA, TONIA, ANGEE, SARA, TRISH, LOUISE, BARRIE, DEBORAH, VANESSA}.

I have family who, if they weren't related, I would have chosen for friends {MOM, my SISTERS, my BFF cuz BEV, and especially my sweet comfort, my daughter, ANDI}.

My everyday-get-me-through-stuff-and-we-can-tell-each-other-anything friend {CARRIE} who is always there when I need her most without being summoned.

My fondest, dearest, and special all-time-love, a man who made me feel whole and comfortable in my own skin, who changed my life, who is my far-away-and-wish-he-were-here, forever-FrIeNd {TED}.

I guess that says it - it's not what they say or do, but how they make you FEEL! Maya Angelou says it in one of my favorite quotes:

To all my FrIeNds ~ to all those who brushed up against my life and shared your sunshine ~

I LOVE YOU and THANKS!

*! Gramma Rock Star !*

My grand daughter's 5th birthday celebration took place over the weekend, and this Gramma rocked on with the rest of the little rock stars. My daughter worked really fast and furious on this bash, with help from her cousin, and 2nd cousin. I pitched in with help on the rock star logo board, the "rock star" crayon portrait for "pin-the-shades-on-the-rock star", hanging a bazillion stars, and laying the red carpet. I even sported a tattoo on my chest. But, the most fun was rocking with Haylee to some great beats! That little girl had Gramma really jumping! She got me going, all the while taunting me to jump higher and twirl faster and faster,not letting go of me and giggling at me the whole time! Got some good laughs from the observers as well, and definitely wore this Gramma out!!

There's probably nothing in the world that I wouldn't do for that kid! I live for her hugs, sweet smile, teasing sparkle in her eyes, and bubbly giggles!

Lots of happy little girls, fun times and memories for Haylee (and Gramma) to muse on later in her life...

BIRTHDAY HEARTS & FLOWERS

June 16, 1966

After 9 wonderful months of anticipation my water broke on the exam table at the Dr.'s office just as the Dr. was going to do it. My due date was the 11th of June, and Dr. McGregor said he would start me today if I hadn't delivered sooner. How convenient not to make a mess, as there was a bucket under me at the foot of the exam table. I was sent home with instructions to go to the hospital when contractions were 5 minutes apart. Bill took me and my mom met us in the labor room. O, boy! Hang on! I had no clue what to expect and I had never experienced much more than a toothache! This was going to be a doozy! Watching my mother's face made it even harder, as I'm sure I was seeing my own pain reflected on her. She later told me she would never go into the labor room again with one of her daughters! My friend Mona was an aid, and came in to peek - she told me the baby has lots of dark curly hair. I wasn't a screamer, but some growls, moans & groans, and lots of fear in my eyes - - - Dr. Kon told me not to have this baby in the middle of the night, but not too long before midnight I was wheeled into the delivery room. No Bill. No mom. That just wasn't done in those days. They gave me some stuff called Twilight gas that made me close my eyes, but seemed to do nothing to ease pain. When the Dr. did the episotomy, I did scream. He was cursing the nurse for not filling whatever it was that was supposed to be in the bottle they sprayed on me to deaden that delicate area. Then I remember the Dr. saying "...shoulders like a football player." I assumed I had a boy, and said so. He said, "No, it's a beautiful girl with shoulders like a football player!" I was so jubilant! A daughter! They put her on my tummy while finishing up whatever, and the feel of her was like nothing in this world! She sounded like a kitten mewing when she cried... they took her away and put her in an incubator and later an isolet. Many times over the next 24 hrs. they were going to bring her to me, but she would turn blue and they would put her back on a machine to help her breathe or put a tube in her throat for the same purpose. I watched that tiny little girl rock on her hands & knees fighting for her life. At one time I got to stand with a window between us as we looked into each other's eyes and spoke all the love we had for each other. Shortly after midnight on the 18th Dr. Kon came into my room, pulled the curtain around me, sat on my bed and without speaking, held me and rocked me. We both sobbed. My precious little Toni Kay had come to this earth for such a brief visit to bless my life forever. I long for that day to hold her in my arms again.

Happy Birthday my baby!

June 16, 1970

4 years wanting a baby so badly! How thrilled to know I was going to soon hold a little boy in my arms. I just knew it was going to be a boy. He practiced all his wrestling moves within me for many months. He was due June 10th. On the morning of my contractions coming close together, I carried the trash can out to the street and walked over to my brother's house for a ride to the hospital. What a ride - included hopping the curb in his VW onto a church lawn and hearing a preacher utter some colorful words. (Jim's version of the story is absolutely hillarious!) Quite a jaunt from south Phoenix to the clinic in Mesa. After an examination when we got there I was told to come back later. Well I was starving, so Jim took me to a Dunkin Donuts and there was no seats available. So we drove around alot finally stopping at a gas station for some chips and a coke. This time the hospital admitted me. Jim had to go to work. They didn't let me see anyone for long anyway. My sister Wanda stopped by for a while. Labor went on and on and on. I was poked and prodded a bazillion times by interns, externs and nurses. One sweet little RN rubbed my back as we sang songs to pass the time. I couldn't lie down as my tailbone was sticking out. This baby was so reluctant to enter this world that he kept pushing back instead of forward. They finally administered a para cervical and took me to the delivery room. Oops! Still not ready. More walking, and singing , and back rubs! The delivery room again! Yipee! Well, this time when they wheeled me back out I cried. I know I'm pregnant! What's going on?! Third time's the charm! Of course, by then, the drugs had worn off. I figured if I was having this baby without drugs, I wanted to watch. So, I sat up on the delivery table (lying down on that tailbone was extremely uncomfortable, anyway) and watched the reflection on Dr. Skousen's glasses and the instrument case behind him. That little boy was certainly being stubborn, but finally came into this world posterior. The first thing the Dr. said was "o, what's this?" I panicked. This was Toni's birthday, and I had visions of the same thing happening again. Dr. Skousen reassured me that he was only concerned about a thumb size hematoma on the side of the baby's head, but that he was healty and beautiful. I could already see that he was beautiful. I couldn't wait to hold him and that didn't take long. It was me and him. Nothing else in the world mattered. Joseph Todd. I notified the Red Cross to let his daddy know about his birth way over in Viet Nam. Circumstances never permitted the two to meet. But, how like him he was in looks, gentleness, compassion, and so many ways. Todd brought such joy to my life, his little sister's life - even though there was 12 years between them - his step dad's life, and anyone who knew him.

25 yrs. with Todd. 14 yrs. without him. I miss your smile, your laughter, your teasing, and especially your hugs! Can't wait for the day I get them again.

Happy Birthday my son!